I’d like to take the time out of my wonderful night of doing nothing, to explain everything you’ve done to me. You have completely and utterly fucked me up. You have made me overly insecure, depressed, & self conscious. You have made me B E L I E V E that I am, a piece of shit. You have completely fucked with my self esteem. I am a mess.. because of you. I can’t even feel beautiful anymore. I just want to hide from the world. I wish I would’ve never met you, because all you have done is ruined my life. I promised myself I would never let a man put his hands on me and get away with it.. but I let myself down. I promised myself that I would never let a man get to me to the point that i’m beating myself up for how he’s made me feel… once again, I’ve let myself down. You’ve made me develop trust issues not only with Bobby, but myself. My family. Everyone walking on the face of the fucking earth. I feel insane. I’ve developed anxiety. I feel like a fucking joke, to everyone. I’ve never given so much to someone, and yet when I do, I get shit in return. I get problems. I get mental issues. As if I don’t already have issues.. this is my biggest. I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate what you’ve made me. I hate that you’ve changed me. I hate that I let you change me. I hate what I’ve become. I don’t want to be scared anymore. Yet I can’t stop. You’ll never realize what you’ve put me through. How far you’ve pushed me. You did this, you did all of this.. yet, why am I in the blame? Why can’t I be happy? I deserve it. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be in a comfortable relationship, without feeling scared, or worried. I’m broken, & a mess. I’m alone, yet surrounded. I WILL be a better person without you. I’ll never respect you. I’ll never feel sorrow for you. Nor will I ever understand you. I never want to. I hate you. I hate everything that you are. You broke me. He’ll fix me. I can’t wait till it’s your time.
I love making up with people. <333 gives me hope.
Why am I awake?
More importantly, why is my dash dead?
